Thursday, December 04, 2003
It is not every day ...
Had the most unusual experience this week. I will leave a lot of the detail out and get right to the point. Right to what I learnt.
My girlfriend and I did the most tragic of things and applied for a spot on a TV reality show. Never mind what the show was to be about, but know that from many thousands of applications we got down to a least the last 70 or so. Now know that we did not succeed in going any further.
I find the ensuing feeling tough to decribe. I have little interest in fame. I can live without making my fortune. But an opportunity came along, an opportunity to experience something far removed from the humdrum of regular life, and now that opportunity has expired.
I have many thoughts about this. One is regret. Another is immense curiosity; wanting to know why we did not make the right impression when it really mattered. But more than this is the longing for another opportunity to escape the monotony of regular life. The one where you wake up in the morning to attend to an occupation that has come to have less and less meaning to you as each day passes. The life that doesn't allow you to explore the creative, the fun, the stong, the dangerous, or the knowledgable elements of your persona. Or, at least, your persona as you see it.
Excitement. Anticipation. The promise of things to come. I want more!
I need more.
My girlfriend and I did the most tragic of things and applied for a spot on a TV reality show. Never mind what the show was to be about, but know that from many thousands of applications we got down to a least the last 70 or so. Now know that we did not succeed in going any further.
I find the ensuing feeling tough to decribe. I have little interest in fame. I can live without making my fortune. But an opportunity came along, an opportunity to experience something far removed from the humdrum of regular life, and now that opportunity has expired.
I have many thoughts about this. One is regret. Another is immense curiosity; wanting to know why we did not make the right impression when it really mattered. But more than this is the longing for another opportunity to escape the monotony of regular life. The one where you wake up in the morning to attend to an occupation that has come to have less and less meaning to you as each day passes. The life that doesn't allow you to explore the creative, the fun, the stong, the dangerous, or the knowledgable elements of your persona. Or, at least, your persona as you see it.
Excitement. Anticipation. The promise of things to come. I want more!
I need more.
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